I'm lost and stupid without you.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
