He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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