My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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