So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
