Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
