You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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