Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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