u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
