the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
4 words: hood of his car
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
