insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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