Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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