is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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