census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
