oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
