All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
