You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
