is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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