I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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