Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
it was like eating out sand paper
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
