I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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