i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
