A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
