I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
