He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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