How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
