When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Let's get the cat blown out
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
