isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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