she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
