his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
