guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
