Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
