she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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