im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
