Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
