Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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