and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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