There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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