the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
