Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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