I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
