i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
