Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
