i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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