My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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