highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
