girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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