why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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