so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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