I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
