you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
