just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
