I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
