Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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