Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So vagazzling was a success
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