i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
