you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Shame - the story of my life.
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