i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
