you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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