Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
