hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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