We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
