$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize