Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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