Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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