Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
