i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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