Your tits are I can't wait for
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize