don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
