Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
