So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
