Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
